As part of our series with the Womens Tennis Association, the worlds top tennis players will write for Metro.co.uk on a rotational basis during each major tournament. Writing at the Nature Valley International in Eastbourne, the world No. 4 reflects on how her French Open – where she was one of the pre-tournament favourites – was ruined due to factors beyond her control.
My hands were shaking. I was struggling to see the ball.
The inevitable thoughts ran through my mind: Why is this happening? Why right now in this moment? I worked so hard for this. Why me?
It was tough to take.
Its been an up-and-down few months. But even with two of the biggest lows of my career, I can look back on this period in a positive light.
Id felt some pressure heading into Madrid just a few weeks earlier. In 2018 Id lost the final to Petra Kvitova and knew I had a lot of points to defend. But everything just fell into place.
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I beat Simona Halep – one of the best clay-court players in the game right now – in the biggest final of my career. I only felt happiness.
At the same time as winning my most important title to date, I became the highest-ranked Dutch woman of all-time. It was so special for those moments to come together.
Sometimes you reach a career-high not because youve done something good yourself but because another player has done badly so it was perfect for everything to come together as it did. Its something Ill always be incredibly proud of.
Heading into the French Open, I felt really good, too.
It was probably the first time I was being talked about as one of the favourites to win a Grand Slam. To be perfectly honest, I found it really annoying.
Of course, its a nice thing that people believe in you and I knew that I could do it, but its always possible you can lose in the first round. I dont really like it when people are putting that pressure on you.
But whats even more frustrating is that I didnt get to find out if I could handle that pressure. I was simply unable to compete.
Id felt great in my first match and in practice the day before my second-round tie with Viktoria Kuzmova.
I had a nice dinner with my team, went to bed… everything was good.
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Then, disaster struck.
I woke up at 2am. I was throwing up. I was really ill.
Oh no
Kiki Bertens, a favorite to win the title, forced to retire due to illness.
"I don't have any power and I don't feel well."
Very sad and unlucky for the love-able Dutchwoman. #RG19 pic.twitter.com/U8kQ9H1ojo
— Tennis Channel (@TennisChannel) May 29, 2019
Although my match was quite late in the day, giving me some extra time to try and recover, it wasnt enough.
I couldnt eat all day so to try and go out and play was always going to be difficult. Standing out there on court that day in Paris was really tough.
I wanted to see if I could step up to the challenge of handling this pressure. But I didnt get a chance to actually face it. That was the most disappointing part.
In many ways, the fact I was seriously ill for the rest of the week didnt allow me to dwell on it too much emotionally as physically I felt pretty awful!
I was in bed for five days and still couldnt eat in that time. It was probably a good thing it wasnt just one day of feeling completely awful and that I realistically had no chance of being ready for the rest of the tournament even if I did manage to somehow get through.
Although Id much rather have gone deep at Roland Garros, the virus did give me a bit more time to prepare for the grass.
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I only get one opportunity to play at home every year – we only have one tournament in the Netherlands – and my defeat in the final of the Libema Open was a pretty tough one for me to take.
Losing when youve had match points is always rough but for it to happen in a final on home soil was really disappointing.
Id never done particularly well there in the past but I had a great week and didnt really feel the stress of being the top seed and the best Dutch player in the draw.
It was also my first final on grass so while it was disappointing not to finish on a high, I can definitely take the positives.
Thats my outlook for the past few months, really. There have been some great moments and some not so good ones. I suppose thats just how life goes.
As part of our series with the Womens Tennis Association, the worlds top tennis players will write for Metro.co.uk on a rotational basis during each major tournament. Writing at the Nature Valley International in Eastbourne, the world No. 4 reflects on how her French Open – where she was one of the pre-tournament favourites – was ruined due to factors beyond her control.
My hands were shaking. I was struggling to see the ball.
The inevitable thoughts ran through my mind: Why is this happening? Why right now in this moment? I worked so hard for this. Why me?
It was tough to take.
Its been an up-and-down few months. But even with two of the biggest lows of my career, I can look back on this period in a positive light.
Id felt some pressure heading into Madrid just a few weeks earlier. In 2018 Id lost the final to Petra Kvitova and knew I had a lot of points to defend. But everything just fell into place.
Advertisement
Advertisement
I beat Simona Halep – one of the best clay-court players in the game right now – in the biggest final of my career. I only felt happiness.
At the same time as winning my most important title to date, I became the highest-ranked Dutch woman of all-time. It was so special for those moments to come together.
Sometimes you reach a career-high not because youve done something good yourself but because another player has done badly so it was perfect for everything to come together as it did. Its something Ill always be incredibly proud of.
Heading into the French Open, I felt really good, too.
It was probably the first time I was being talked about as one of the favourites to win a Grand Slam. To be perfectly honest, I found it really annoying.
Of course, its a nice thing that people believe in you and I knew that I could do it, but its always possible you can lose in the first round. I dont really like it when people are putting that pressure on you.
But whats even more frustrating is that I didnt get to find out if I could handle that pressure. I was simply unable to compete.
Id felt great in my first match and in practice the day before my second-round tie with Viktoria Kuzmova.
I had a nice dinner with my team, went to bed… everything was good.
Advertisement
Advertisement
Then, disaster struck.
I woke up at 2am. I was throwing up. I was really ill.
Oh no
Kiki Bertens, a favorite to win the title, forced to retire due to illness.
"I don't have any power and I don't feel well."
Very sad and unlucky for the love-able Dutchwoman. #RG19 pic.twitter.com/U8kQ9H1ojo
— Tennis Channel (@TennisChannel) May 29, 2019
Although my match was quite late in the day, giving me some extra time to try and recover, it wasnt enough.
I couldnt eat all day so to try and go out and play was always going to be difficult. Standing out there on court that day in Paris was really tough.
I wanted to see if I could step up to the challenge of handling this pressure. But I didnt get a chance to actually face it. That was the most disappointing part.
In many ways, the fact I was seriously ill for the rest of the week didnt allow me to dwell on it too much emotionally as physically I felt pretty awful!
I was in bed for five days and still couldnt eat in that time. It was probably a good thing it wasnt just one day of feeling completely awful and that I realistically had no chance of being ready for the rest of the tournament even if I did manage to somehow get through.
Although Id much rather have gone deep at Roland Garros, the virus did give me a bit more time to prepare for the grass.
Advertisement
I only get one opportunity to play at home every year – we only have one tournament in the Netherlands – and my defeat in the final of the Libema Open was a pretty tough one for me to take.
Losing when youve had match points is always rough but for it to happen in a final on home soil was really disappointing.
Id never done particularly well there in the past but I had a great week and didnt really feel the stress of being the top seed and the best Dutch player in the draw.
It was also my first final on grass so while it was disappointing not to finish on a high, I can definitely take the positives.
Thats my outlook for the past few months, really. There have been some great moments and some not so good ones. I suppose thats just how life goes.
