Alan is looking for love.
But he doesn’t want just any girlfriend – he wants to find the Ideal Woman.
And to do so, he’s set up a website.
He’s a 37-year-old computer science grad who says that after facing certain ‘substantial lifestyle changes’, he is ‘slowly trying to find my way out of the rat-race and I would like to find a partner who I can share the rest of my existence with’.
Alan tells Metro.co.uk: ‘In my early 30s, after having had some negative experiences in relationships and still not knowing what I wanted in life, I told myself to start from scratch – listing the things I didn’t want’.
‘So, I drafted a short list which I kept updating every year or so until it became an essay.’
And that essay forms the basis of what Alan is looking for in his Ideal Woman, some of which is here:
Aesthetics
Alan is only human and as such, wants a hot girlfriend.
‘Although oriented to seek for an inner beauty, I still can’t detach myself from the terrestrial law of physical attraction, which is simply fatal,’ he says.
‘First things first, she should not be overweight and (should be) respectful towards her body, at least trying to eat healthy food and exercising sometimes.
‘Someone who is preferably around my age but not necessarily – I’d rule out more than a 10 year age gap.
‘I’d prefer classical outfits, or nineties trends with high waist pants and I don’t particularly like super thin high heels.’
But fear not coffee/tobacco/coke fiends – he’s ok with you dabbling so long as you don’t become a full blown addict.
Communication
You’ve got to be fluent in English but you’ve also got to be able to speak a second language.
Personality and experience
‘I obviously couldn’t be together with superficial females who can just think about career, fashion, holidays, owning stuff and have shallow conversations.’
Obviously.
‘I would be looking for a woman who is a free thinker, open minded, free from social constrictions or fake morals and of course a woman who does not believe in any god but in herself and her rational judgement based on empirical, scientific and philosophical knowledge.’
Not only that, but he wants someone who knows what ‘cosmic pain’ is (so, I’m out) and who has ‘experienced suffering enough to see the meaning of life in depth’.
Alan wants to spend most of his time with his new partner doing all kinds of things which means, I’m afraid, no one who has a job.
‘I wouldn’t be able to accept a relationship with a wage-slave of a 9-to-5. In fact, I will never be able to stand a relationship where I can see my other half only during the nighttime after work. I strongly despise employees and the corporate mentality thus it would be an excellent idea to work together, start a business from scratch.’
AND THERE IS SO MUCH MORE.
To recap, if this is you, Alan doesn’t want you to contact him:
- Anyone who believes in God
- Anyone who wants kids
- Anyone who is ‘too happy with their current life (which implies that you should start asking yourself some serious questions)’
- Anyone who can’t run, swim, drive a car, ride a bike
- Anyone who doesn’t want to ‘venture to some uninhabited island together for a few months’
- Anyone who is into fashion or is career-focused
Now, most dudes who want a good looking partner are ok with them liking fashion. But for Alan, that’s a real no-no – as is having a job, because careers and clothes = superficiality.
‘Even Coco Chanel said that fashion fades, but style remains. Women who follow fashion are destined to fade together with their poor self awareness,’ Alan explains.
More: Sex
‘Actually being superficial is not about aiming for a better job or modern clothing, but considering them a priority in your life. Women who have failed to be feminine, build a personality or are not emotionally intelligent, become insecure enough to seek a comfortable position in a job where there is someone else telling them what to do.
‘This is what they call independence: the possibility of earning just enough to spend their money on a rent for a place they actually use to sleep only, on weekends, pretentious dine-outs and trashy clothing paid twice the cost of classical clothing. Only few women have enough depth to use their free time to search on google “how to start your own business” , or learn about history instead of watching videos of cats and babies on Facebook or connect intellectually with few friends instead of accumulating hundreds of contacts only capable of spending time at the pub getting drunk.
‘Times goes by and sooner or later this attitude makes a woman weak enough to live in the denial that she does not need a man in her life. I do not want to generalise (of course not, Alan!), but you get that picture when you look at masses.’
Ok so we get it – NO CAREER WOMEN.
But what’s the deal with not being able to run or ride a bicycle?
‘Anthropologically speaking, would you call yourself a human being, if you can’t even swim, run or have a minimum control over your body?’ he says.
When it comes to not being able to drive, he asks how one can call themselves independent if you’ve set such a ‘low value to freedom of movement’.
More: Dating
With such a long list of demands, it sounds like Alan could be in for a long wait. He says that he hasn’t had a chance to go out with anyone he’s met through his site yet but he has got a few messages from women.
However, ‘it seemed that those who wrote to me just read what they liked to read or imagined me’, he laments.
So there we are.
Ladies – if you can run, drive, have no interest in fashion or a career, are not overweight, don’t want kids and can speak more than one language, Alan still single.
Surprising.
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