I’m going to make a confession.
Many a professional dominatrix will tell you she will not allow submissives to orgasm during the session. I did.
How to sext like a pro, with these tips from a former sex worker
Mainly because if they did cum halfway through, it meant I could clock off early and get on with a nice boxset.
Of course, if they specifically asked for orgasm control or chastity then we could start to play with a variety of devices – both physical and psychological – that come in pretty handy for me.
Orgasm control is basically what it sounds like: you control whether your partner can cum or not.
This doesn’t have to be in the midst of a BDSM activity – after all, who hasn’t asked him to keep his boner a little longer while we edge ourselves a little closer to the finish line with a gentle ‘not yet’?
I’m going to go through a few things you can also try if you want to get a little kinkier, and especially if you want to try long-term orgasm control – otherwise known as chastity.
Keep it simple
No bells, no whistles. Just tell him he’s not allowed to masturbate for a certain amount of days.
Then increase it each time.
Start off with just a few days though, as you might find he wakes up to a ‘wet patch’.
This is kind of a basic tool.
I used to tell a lot of subs not to play with themselves until our session as it would increase both the anticipation, the sensation, and my chances of having an early night.
Plus, it will also help to make orgasming a much more intense experience.
JOI – AKA Jerk Off Instructions
A fun one for Skype, or if you want to make a little pre-recorded video.
You are, as the name suggests, literally instructing him on how you want him to w*nk off.
Start from right at the beginning – he’s fully dressed and you want him to rub his hands over his crotch. Demand he undresses slowly, before you tell him if he’s going to grip hard or soft. Stroke with a hand, or just a finger.
From there, it’s just a series of ‘harder, harder’ or ‘slower, slower’. There are plenty you can watch on websites like ‘clips4sale’ if you want some inspiration.
If you’re playing the Domme, don’t be tempted to start getting your boobs out for titillation. The fact you have control over how he’s doing such an everyday, personal task is the turn-on.
Chastity device
There are a wide range of chastity devices for men, which will see their junk safely away from anyone’s trunk.
A word to the wise – you get what you pay for.
Cheaper chastity devices might be good for an hour or so of play, but they will start to chafe. There will also be hygiene issues if you want him to keep it on for longer.
More: Sex
My advice is to check reviews on the sites that sell them and see how long someone has managed to keep it on for. You can always get advice from various forum boards and social media groups too.
Plastic ones tend to chafe, and the heavy metallic ones can be a bit too weighty. Be prepared for some trial and error, as well as a bit of moisturiser to help the skin. But when you’ve found one you can wear indefinitely, it’ll be worth it.
Also, remember that consent is key and there are several health issues to be aware of – if it needs to come off, it needs to come off.
Edging/tease and denial
As ever, the language used changes from person to person, but as you can probably guess, this is about getting someone closer and closer, before denying and cutting off their orgasm.
This could be seen as the pinnacle of orgasm control – after all, it’s easy to just stop someone from w*nking off, but how do you get someone close to the edge and know when to stop, or even how to stop them?
There are a few ways in which it can be done; sometimes just ceasing all activity will do it, or there’s the old ‘pinch the tip’ trick (which you literally pinch the tip of the penis).
The aim is to get as close to the point of no return as you can, but leave him begging for more.
Ruined Orgasm
Fortunately, as you learn about ‘edging’ your partner, and what amount of tease and denial he can take, you will still be able to give him a ‘ruined orgasm’.
Nope, it’s not a cocktail at Wetherspoons, unless you’re really unlucky.
The trick here is to read your sub, and get them to that brief moment between the point of no return but before the orgasm starts. Without that final bit of stimulation, he’ll find it pretty hard to cum and can be extremely frustrating.
In the world of orgasm control, where, when and whether you want your sub to orgasm or not is completely up to you. It’s great fun to try over long distance, or just to see how far you can push your sub.
You don’t have to be cruel, and you certainly don’t have to listen to anyone tell you ‘you shouldn’t let him cum’. I never understood that as a working practice anyway.
Have fun with the timings, and you’ll soon turn your guy into a geyser.
MORE: Money for nothing? Here’s a guide to financial domination for beginners
MORE: Foot fetish 101- everything you need to know about tendon loving care
MORE: From costumes to characters – here’s a beginner’s guide to role play
I’m going to make a confession.
Many a professional dominatrix will tell you she will not allow submissives to orgasm during the session. I did.
How to sext like a pro, with these tips from a former sex worker
Mainly because if they did cum halfway through, it meant I could clock off early and get on with a nice boxset.
Of course, if they specifically asked for orgasm control or chastity then we could start to play with a variety of devices – both physical and psychological – that come in pretty handy for me.
Orgasm control is basically what it sounds like: you control whether your partner can cum or not.
This doesn’t have to be in the midst of a BDSM activity – after all, who hasn’t asked him to keep his boner a little longer while we edge ourselves a little closer to the finish line with a gentle ‘not yet’?
I’m going to go through a few things you can also try if you want to get a little kinkier, and especially if you want to try long-term orgasm control – otherwise known as chastity.
Keep it simple
No bells, no whistles. Just tell him he’s not allowed to masturbate for a certain amount of days.
Then increase it each time.
Start off with just a few days though, as you might find he wakes up to a ‘wet patch’.
This is kind of a basic tool.
I used to tell a lot of subs not to play with themselves until our session as it would increase both the anticipation, the sensation, and my chances of having an early night.
Plus, it will also help to make orgasming a much more intense experience.
JOI – AKA Jerk Off Instructions
A fun one for Skype, or if you want to make a little pre-recorded video.
You are, as the name suggests, literally instructing him on how you want him to w*nk off.
Start from right at the beginning – he’s fully dressed and you want him to rub his hands over his crotch. Demand he undresses slowly, before you tell him if he’s going to grip hard or soft. Stroke with a hand, or just a finger.
From there, it’s just a series of ‘harder, harder’ or ‘slower, slower’. There are plenty you can watch on websites like ‘clips4sale’ if you want some inspiration.
If you’re playing the Domme, don’t be tempted to start getting your boobs out for titillation. The fact you have control over how he’s doing such an everyday, personal task is the turn-on.
Chastity device
There are a wide range of chastity devices for men, which will see their junk safely away from anyone’s trunk.
A word to the wise – you get what you pay for.
Cheaper chastity devices might be good for an hour or so of play, but they will start to chafe. There will also be hygiene issues if you want him to keep it on for longer.
More: Sex
My advice is to check reviews on the sites that sell them and see how long someone has managed to keep it on for. You can always get advice from various forum boards and social media groups too.
Plastic ones tend to chafe, and the heavy metallic ones can be a bit too weighty. Be prepared for some trial and error, as well as a bit of moisturiser to help the skin. But when you’ve found one you can wear indefinitely, it’ll be worth it.
Also, remember that consent is key and there are several health issues to be aware of – if it needs to come off, it needs to come off.
Edging/tease and denial
As ever, the language used changes from person to person, but as you can probably guess, this is about getting someone closer and closer, before denying and cutting off their orgasm.
This could be seen as the pinnacle of orgasm control – after all, it’s easy to just stop someone from w*nking off, but how do you get someone close to the edge and know when to stop, or even how to stop them?
There are a few ways in which it can be done; sometimes just ceasing all activity will do it, or there’s the old ‘pinch the tip’ trick (which you literally pinch the tip of the penis).
The aim is to get as close to the point of no return as you can, but leave him begging for more.
Ruined Orgasm
Fortunately, as you learn about ‘edging’ your partner, and what amount of tease and denial he can take, you will still be able to give him a ‘ruined orgasm’.
Nope, it’s not a cocktail at Wetherspoons, unless you’re really unlucky.
The trick here is to read your sub, and get them to that brief moment between the point of no return but before the orgasm starts. Without that final bit of stimulation, he’ll find it pretty hard to cum and can be extremely frustrating.
In the world of orgasm control, where, when and whether you want your sub to orgasm or not is completely up to you. It’s great fun to try over long distance, or just to see how far you can push your sub.
You don’t have to be cruel, and you certainly don’t have to listen to anyone tell you ‘you shouldn’t let him cum’. I never understood that as a working practice anyway.
Have fun with the timings, and you’ll soon turn your guy into a geyser.
MORE: Money for nothing? Here’s a guide to financial domination for beginners
MORE: Foot fetish 101- everything you need to know about tendon loving care
MORE: From costumes to characters – here’s a beginner’s guide to role play
